We all need a good laugh!

With all of the gloomy and depressing news, statistics, and general BS floating around the Twitterverse, it’s about time we do something to lift up our spirits.

I’d like to hear your favorite biking-related jokes.

Since this isn’t a barroom and I can’t throw out the first drunk, I’ll throw out the first joke (compliments of Granddaughter Woo):

Why do some bikes have kickstands? Because they are too tired to stand up by themselves (rim shot!).

Ouch! Let’s hear your best (or worst) jokes.

See you along the I-O-Way next whenever.

353 Replies

T. Gap Woo, May 30, 2020 at 8:48 pm

In my spare time, I’m an inventor who likes to tinker with things in order to make them better (and hopefully make a few bucks in the process).

I devised a new bar grip, but my unicycle couldn’t handle it.

I created a new tread pattern for my mountain bike’s tires, but that idea didn’t gain any traction. I’m not having a good year so far!

I redesigned my bike’s wheels into an oval shape, in order to simulate a bumpy road surface. When I tried to ride from the hilltop to the valley, it didn’t go down well.

“How can I make my bike more visible to car headlights when riding in low light conditions?” I reflected.

Creating a super-comfortable bike saddle is my next project, as it gets to the seat of the matter.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319972

T. Gap Woo, May 31, 2020 at 8:32 am

Granddaughter Woo, who just turned 6, shocked me recently. She told me, “I have a dirty joke to tell you!”

Fearing the worst, but figuring she’s just a child and the joke couldn’t be obscene, I asked her to tell it. Here it is:

“My friend Jake went for a bike ride right after a rainstorm. He skidded and fell into a mud puddle!” she related.

I howled with laughter and relief. Then she said, “Now I have a clean joke.”

I told her to tell me that joke too.

She said, “After Jake rode home, he took a bath!” 🤪 (rim shot)

Granddaughter Woo is a chip off the old block. Heaven help us all!

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319977

T. Gap Woo, May 31, 2020 at 7:48 pm

We’ve all heard that saying about Ragbrai, “It’s a ride, not a race!”

“Stop and smell the roses!” is another reminder.

They even say, “Enjoy the wonderful things that small-town Iowa has to offer.”

Tourist departments tout, “Experience Iowa-nice!”

I was convinced! Consequently, I was just poking along the route, in no great rush to get to Ottumwa a few RAGBRAIs ago, when my tire went flat. Obviously, it was under no pressure either. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320033

T. Gap Woo, June 1, 2020 at 8:48 am

Q- How do you convince an avid bicyclist to return home after a nice day of riding?

A- Promise them a slab of their favorite pie, a huge dollop of ice cream and a beer chaser.

That’s called “using reverse cycle-ology!” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320042

Amanda, June 1, 2020 at 10:21 am

Keep them coming! I enjoy this so much!

#1320044

T. Gap Woo, June 2, 2020 at 12:34 am

Keep them coming! I enjoy this so much!

Princess Amanda, I’m so glad that my warped sense of humor brings pleasure to your royal dominion. Please be advised that, for the next week or so, I shall be “off the air” as I bike the hinterlands of the Carolinas where internet service is spotty at best. However, as General Douglas MacArthur said, “I shall return.”

Here’s one more for the road to hold you over until then.

When Daughter Woo was a wee lass, she loved eating those frozen flavored ice treats on double wooden sticks while riding her tricycle. She called them her Pop-cycles. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320053

“Bicycle Bill”, June 2, 2020 at 11:51 pm

“Q- How do you convince an avid bicyclist to return home after a nice day of riding?
A- Promise them a slab of their favorite pie, a huge dollop of ice cream and a beer chaser.”

And here I thought it would be something like, “the sooner you get home and get to bed, the sooner you can get up and go riding again tomorrow!”
-“BB”-

#1320069

T. Gap Woo, June 11, 2020 at 10:17 am

As Johann Sebastian said to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, “I’m Bach!”

Since I’m a bit rusty after riding through some rain these last few days, I’m trying to repolish and shine up my sense of humor. So, let’s ease on down the road, shall we?

Gee whiz, times sure have been tough these last couple of months. My son-in-law recently lost his sales job at a popular bike shop in his hometown. The boss said it was due to a sharp decline in business due to state-mandated store closures, self-quarantining, and insufficient on-line sales.

The truth of the matter was more blunt. He had poor customer relations skills and couldn’t get along with his fellow employees. He was always too cranky! 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320226

“Bicycle Bill”, June 12, 2020 at 2:07 am

No, YOU be Beethoven.

    I’LL

be Bach.
-“BB”-

#1320267

T. Gap Woo, June 12, 2020 at 9:42 am

No, YOU be Beethoven.

    I’LL

be Bach.
-“BB”-

BB,

As Johannes Brahms said to his friend Nicolo, “That’s just a Variation on a Theme, Paganini!” 🤪 (rim shot)

But I divertimento from this thread’s magnum opus. Now, I’ll have to backpedal to get heading back in the right direction. 🤪 (rim shot). Here we go!!!

I really love biking in the fall months, especially during a major election year. Ahhh the cool, crisp autumn air and the lower humidity levels just can’t be beat!

I particularly enjoy riding at the head of a pace line with a herd of politicians. There is always a tailwind. If the temperature drops too much, there is an abundant supply of hot air to take off the chill. As the lead rider, you avoid the stench and don’t have to dodge the piles of BS that accumulate along the line behind you. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320270

T. Gap Woo, June 13, 2020 at 8:40 am

I just signed up to race in the Tour de France, whenever it finally runs, with a couple of my buddies.

None of us are doing the pre-race preparation nonsense. No long-distance road riding over countless days and miles for us. No sireee!

Riding up and down steep mountains? Fuhgeddaboutit!

Fancy schmancy diets? No way!

Gazillion dollar bikes? Can’t afford them anyway.

Here’s our strategies. Floyd, a barber by trade, plans to take a shortcut.

Sigmund, an eminent psychiatrist in town, will follow the cyclepath.

I figured out the easiest way to win the Tour de France. I’m going to wear my lucky yellow jersey! 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320316

T. Gap Woo, June 14, 2020 at 8:32 am

Who says bicyclists can’t multitask? Right now, as I’m biking through traffic along Main Street, I’m typing this joke with one hand and using a second smartphone to take a sel….

😇 (rim shot)

BTW, ride right! See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320364

T. Gap Woo, June 15, 2020 at 8:52 am

There was a big jail break at the state prison this morning. A group of convicts managed to escape, with the help of an accomplice who hid a stash of bicycles in a nearby barn.

The State Police just issued an All Points Bulletin. “Be on the lookout for a group of six cyclists. They call themselves The Chain Gang!” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320395

T. Gap Woo, June 16, 2020 at 9:14 am

I was enjoying a leisurely bike ride in the Carolina countryside last week, when I came upon a flock of birds on the shoulder munching on whatever it is that birds munch on. I must have startled them, because they took flight in a rush of flapping wings.

One of them flew right at me and – WHAM – hit me right in the helmet. After I regained my balance, I stopped to check on the bird. It was a parrot, still alive, but just barely. I thought, “This is probably somebody’s pet and it must have ‘flown the coop.’ I can’t just leave it here to suffer and die!”

I carefully picked up the bird, wrapped it in a spare jersey from my pannier and placed it inside for the ride back home. Once home, I put the bird in a birdcage and called a local veterinarian for advice.

While I was on the phone, I heard talking coming from the other room. “Omigod! I must have killed that poor biker, because I’m in jail!” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320422

LawnchairMan, June 17, 2020 at 8:37 am

While casually pedaling the other day, I heard a dog barking behind me and I could tell it was getting closer. Instinctively I upshifted and pedaled faster, but the dog was still gaining on me. Then I realized I was on my trainer!

#1320459

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