We all need a good laugh!

With all of the gloomy and depressing news, statistics, and general BS floating around the Twitterverse, it’s about time we do something to lift up our spirits.

I’d like to hear your favorite biking-related jokes.

Since this isn’t a barroom and I can’t throw out the first drunk, I’ll throw out the first joke (compliments of Granddaughter Woo):

Why do some bikes have kickstands? Because they are too tired to stand up by themselves (rim shot!).

Ouch! Let’s hear your best (or worst) jokes.

See you along the I-O-Way next whenever.

353 Replies

T. Gap Woo, July 4, 2020 at 6:43 pm

I’ve never been considered a paragon of fashion sense. I thought nothing wrong about mixing stripes, checks and plaids in a business outfit. The Woo children always said that I was fashion-challenged and threatened many times to call the Fashion Police.

In preparation for the virtual Ragbrai ride, I recently bought the most garishly-colored biking outfit I could find for my training rides. After rewatching the Ride Right video, I decided to buy a new helmet, for safety’s sake. It was the adult version of the kid’s helmet that looks like a spiky Mohawk haircut.

Now, people stare at me. They tease me and even make caustic remarks. I’ll never go back to that spin class again. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320752

T. Gap Woo, July 5, 2020 at 10:49 am

Q- What do you call a bicyclist wearing a head scarf, thick woolen balaclava, and ear muffs under his biking helmet?

A- Anything you want! He can’t hear you anyway. 🤪 (rim shot).

Q- What do you call a bicyclist who is NOT wearing a head scarf, thick woolen balaclava, and ear muffs WITHOUT a biking helmet?

A- A potential organ donor. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320754

T. Gap Woo, July 6, 2020 at 7:24 am

Granddaughter Woo got a brand new “big girl’s” bike for her 6th birthday. She’s been practicing, is becoming more proficient, and wants to ride every chance she gets.

A few weeks ago, she brought her bike with her when she came to visit. Imagine her disappointment when the weather turned nasty with heavy rain and thunderstorms, which washed out our plans to ride!

Instead of an outdoor ride, we went to my exercise room. I rode my Schwinn Airdyne and Granddaughter Woo rode the Vitamaster Airwave. We both wore our biking helmets, to reinforce the habit of riding with a helmet.

This prompted Granddaughter Woo to ask, “What did the stationary bike say to the bicycle helmet?”

I was flummoxed.

She answered, “I’ll stay here and wait for you, while you go on ahead!” 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320797

T. Gap Woo, July 7, 2020 at 11:49 am

Tex was a rootin’-tootin’, gun-totin’ cowboy from the southwest who loved bicycling even more than horseback riding, if you can believe that! He came up all the way from Houston to Wichita Falls to ride in the Hotter’N Hell 100.

After he finished the ride, Tex stopped at a local watering hole, parked his bike out front and went in, where he ordered a whiskey with a beer chaser.

While Tex was enjoying his liquid refreshment, some local good-ol’-boys decided to have some fun with Tex. They moved his bike into the back alley and hid it behind a trash dumpster, sure that no one would see it.

Tex finished his beer, paid the tab and left. When he got outside, Tex noticed that his bike was gone, nowhere to be seen.

Tex walked back into the bar, brandishing a pair of six-shooters, and loudly announced, “Sum lowdown skunk stole mah bahcycle! A’hm gonna git me another beer and when Ah finish it, mah bahk better be back! If it ain’t back, A’hl have ta do what Ah dun in Houston. Ah don’t lahk wut Ah dun in Houston!” swinging his guns in the air wildly all the time.

When he finished his beer and paid his tab, Tex left again. He immediately returned and happily announced, “Mah bahk is back, thankee kindly. Now Ah don’t have ta do wut Ah dun in Houston.” Tex left yet again.

One of the good-ol’-boys followed Tex outside and, dying of curiosity, asked Tex, “What did you do in Houston?”

Tex responded tersely, “Ah rode home in a Uber!” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320846

T. Gap Woo, July 8, 2020 at 10:59 am

My local bicycling club might as well be a debating society. We argue and debate about EVERYTHING!

Of all the brands of bikes, which is best?

What is more challenging, a century road ride with high heat and humidity levels or a ride on a long, arduous mountain trail?

Biking shoes or sandals?

Clip-in or standard pedals?

The list goes on and on. You name it and we’ve debated it.

One thing we all agree on is the need to wear a helmet while biking. No debate there! However, during this time of pandemic, the debate rages on. Should we wear masks while biking or should we use face shields? After much debate and argument about the pro-and-con of each, we finally reached a consensus (I hope).

While masks are good, face shields are the visor choice! 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1320955

T. Gap Woo, July 9, 2020 at 9:50 am

Daddy wanted to buy a new bicycle for his daughter Violet’s birthday, to replace the too-small bike she was riding. He didn’t want to go to a big box store and buy a bike right off the rack.

Like any good father would do, he took his daughter to the local bike shop to let Violet pick out a new bike. There, she would be measured and fitted for the proper size of bike. Additionally, the shop had a trade-in program where he could upgrade to a larger bike as Violet grew taller. He could get all of the accessories and safety gear she’d need, at a good price too.

Violet was measured several ways and the results indicated that a 20” girl’s bike would be ideal. The search began for the perfect bike.

After looking through row after row of bikes, Violet found the bike of her dreams.

“Look, Daddy! This bike is my favorite color —- violet, just like my name!” she excitedly exclaimed. “It’s perfect! Let’s get this one!”

“Wonderful, sweetheart! Let’s have the technician make all of the necessary adjustments, while we pick out a helmet, basket, bell, gloves, and knee and elbow pads,” Daddy said.

After all of the adjustments were made and the bill was paid, Daddy loaded the bike into the bed of his pickup truck and they headed home.

Once home, Daddy unloaded the bike while Violet put on her riding gear and helmet. Daddy went inside, while Violet took off down the driveway.

All of a sudden, Daddy heard shrieks and howls and crying coming from the front yard.

“OW! Cut it out! Make it stop! Daddy! Mommy! Help!” Violet screamed.

Daddy and Mommy raced outside and were shocked at what they saw. Violet was scrunched up on the ground and her bike, riderless, was running her over repeatedly. Daddy managed to pull Violet to safety, but the bike kept coming after her! It hit her again and again. Daddy was able to get Violet inside to safety. The bike continued to pound against the door, trying to gain entry and attack Violet again.

Mommy opined that the bike must be haunted and begged Daddy to return it to the bike shop.

Instead, Daddy went into the garage and emerged with a baseball bat. He began to beat the bike mercilessly, until the frame was broken, the tires went flat, the saddle was destroyed, and the handlebar was bent. The bike was beyond repair.

Mommy asked, “Why didn’t you just return the bike to the shop and get your money back?”

Daddy retorted, “We have to break this vicious cycle of Violet’s.” 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321055

T. Gap Woo, July 10, 2020 at 12:04 pm

Lex and Rex were biking buddies from way back when, but each had their own philosophy of riding.

Lex always followed “the letter of the law” when riding. He obeyed the Ride Right rules religiously.

Rex thought he was “King of the Road” and that the law did not apply to him. He’d ride at night with no headlight or taillight. He rode on whichever side of the road suited his fancy that day. Protective gear? Fuhgeddaboudit!

One fine spring day, Lex and Rex went for a bike ride through the crowded streets of mid-town Manhattan, New York. Lex, law-abiding citizen that he was, obeyed all of the traffic laws. Rex, that scofflaw, broke all of the traffic laws in the book!

A policeman observed Rex riding recklessly, turned on his flashing lights, activated his siren, and motioned for Rex to pull over to the curb. Rex reluctantly complied. The officer read Rex the Riot Act and proceeded to write Rex a ticket, calling for a $200 fine.

“Why are you giving me a ticket?” Rex asked innocently.

The policeman answered, “You can’t ride a bicycle the way you’ve been doing!”

“Oh yeah?” replied Rex. “Just watch me!” Rex shouted over his shoulder as he sped off down the road. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321082

T. Gap Woo, July 11, 2020 at 9:33 am

A world-famous singer and philanthropist chose to go bicycling through the gently-rolling hills of County Cork in his native Ireland. The weather was perfect, sunny and dry, with a gentle wind coming from the south. There was no traffic to speak off. It was a great day for a leisurely ride!

“I’m not going to wear my helmet today,” he decided. “I want to feel the breeze blowing through my hair!”

Off he went, riding without a care in the world. Everything was going as smooth as the road. UNTIL
.
.
.
.
.
.
WHAM! He hit a puddle of water that disguised a deep pothole. He flew “you-know-what over teakettle” and landed in a ditch, hitting his head in the process and suffering a concussion.

Several weeks later and once he recovered, the local TV station decided to take advantage of his celebrity status and asked him to do a Public Service Announcement about bicycle safety. The tag line of the PSA was this: “Always wear your helmet when biking. Accidents can happen to anyone, even U2!” 🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to Bono).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321085

T. Gap Woo, July 12, 2020 at 9:14 am

Rocky was an avid mountain biker. As his name implies, the rockier the trail, the more he enjoyed it. He was tough-as-nails, thinking he was invincible, and never used any
type of safety equipment.

Rocky thought his head was hard as a rock, so he absolutely refused to wear a helmet when he rode. Unfortunately, he wasn’t using his head
.
.
.
.
.
.
until he crashed! 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321109

T. Gap Woo, July 13, 2020 at 7:37 am

Mr and Mrs Spratt decided to take up bicycling as a safe activity during the COVID-19 pandemic. They were fortunate to find an open LBS, so they went in to find the perfect ride.

Jack was as skinny as a rail and as tall as a beanpole. His wife was, shall we say, hefty. A friendly sales lady approached and offered her assistance to the couple.

“What did you have in mind? Road bikes? Mountain bikes? E-bikes?” she inquired.

Jack replied, “We want a road bike for me and a bicycle-built-for-two for my wife.” 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321140

T. Gap Woo, July 14, 2020 at 7:09 am

Q- What do you call a bicyclist who absolutely refuses to wear a helmet while riding?

A- That’s easy. It’s a no-brainer! 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321295

T. Gap Woo, July 15, 2020 at 9:42 am

Oliver was an impressionable young kid who fell in with Jack and his gang of petty thieves. The gang specialized in shoplifting small, easily concealable items from stores, with the occasional foray into larger items that were left unattended outside in public places.

They often targeted big-box stores. Working in pairs and threesomes, one would rip off whatever he could, while the others distracted the clerks.

One day, they focused on sporting goods stores. Several teams went into different big-box stores and headed to the bicycle departments. While Oliver and his pals distracted the clerks, Jack and several other thieves stuffed their pockets with as much bike parts and accessories as they could carry. The teams stole a good portion of the merchandise on display!

Meanwhile, another group of thieves patrolled the neighborhood parks, riding off with any bike that wasn’t chained down or locked up.

At the end of the day, the gang had a treasure trove of stolen bikes and accessories. They needed to convert the goods into cash. Their usual “fence” was temporarily out of business, taking a vacation courtesy of the local justice system, so they went to a new fence who offered better terms anyway.

Little did the gang know, but the new fencing operation was actually a trap set by the local sheriff. Oliver, Jack and the other gang members walked right into the trap, were arrested and charged with pedaling stolen goods. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321392

T. Gap Woo, July 16, 2020 at 10:15 am

At the bicycle factory, all of the raw materials were turned into bicycle parts. Metal was rolled into tubes for the frame and then powder-coated in weird colors. Wires were drawn and sliced into spokes. Leather was cut into shapes for saddles. Other parts, like tires, tubes and pedals, were outsourced.

In a marvel of modern industrial production, everything came together on the factory floor and, at the end of the assembly line, voila! New bicycles rolled off and went to the shipping department for domestic distribution.

The first batch of bikes, including one that was bright neon green, was shipped to a bike shop in California. The next batch, also including one that was bright neon green, went to a bike shop in New York City.

Ed bought his bike, a bright neon green one, in San Diego, while Ted bought his bike, also a bright neon green one, in Manhattan.

Fast forward a few years. Unbeknownst to each other, Ed and Ted signed up to ride Ragbrai from Council Bluffs to Keokuk. When Ed rolled into Winterset, he spotted a bike that was the same brand and color as his own bike, hitched up outside the John Wayne Museum. Ed met up with Ted and discussed this odd coincidence.

As it turns out, the bikes were long-lost Schwinns that were separated at birth. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1321486

RDaryl Daryl, July 16, 2020 at 10:24 pm

Two Darrells are riding along on a tandem bicycle when, suddenly, the Darrell on the front slams on the brakes, gets off, and starts letting air out of the tires.

The Daryl on the back says: “HEY! What are you doing that for?!”

The first Darrell says, “My seat was too high and was hurting my butt. I wanted to lower it a bit.”

So the Daryl in the back has had enough. He jumps off, loosens his own seat and spins it round to face the other direction.

Now it’s the first Darrell’s turn to wonder what’s going on. “What are you doing?” he asks his brother.

“Look, Darrell,” says the Daryl in the back, “if you’re going to do stupid stuff like that, I’m going home!!”

#1321536

T. Gap Woo, July 17, 2020 at 3:47 pm

My friend and I went mountain biking last weekend. After several days of heavy rain, the weather was perfect — dry and sunny. It felt good to get out of the house for a change.

The trail my friend chose was a new one to me, as I had never ridden it before. We slogged through muddy puddles, climbed over numerous small branches that came down in the storms, and powered up some of the steepest, longest hills I’d ever experienced.

The last hill was a real killer that made Potter’s Hill look like a stroll in the park.

But as the saying goes, “For every punishing uphill, there’s a rewarding downhill.” We reached speeds approaching 30 miles per hour as we flew down the mountain, my friend in the lead and me following a few feet behind. It was definitely a bone-jarring downhill ride.

All of a sudden, he hit a deep pothole, which destroyed his bike. Pieces flew everywhere. My friend wound up in a thick patch of moss, which cushioned his impact and kept him from being seriously injured.

I, on the other hand, got clobbered with a faceful of suspension pieces from his bike. It was a truly shocking experience! 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

This reply was modified 3 months, 1 week ago by T. Gap Woo.

#1321604

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