We all need a good laugh!

With all of the gloomy and depressing news, statistics, and general BS floating around the Twitterverse, it’s about time we do something to lift up our spirits.

I’d like to hear your favorite biking-related jokes.

Since this isn’t a barroom and I can’t throw out the first drunk, I’ll throw out the first joke (compliments of Granddaughter Woo):

Why do some bikes have kickstands? Because they are too tired to stand up by themselves (rim shot!).

Ouch! Let’s hear your best (or worst) jokes.

See you along the I-O-Way next whenever.

350 Replies

T. Gap Woo, August 25, 2020 at 8:03 am

Normally a law-abiding, upstanding citizen, Derek was a real scofflaw when he rode his bicycle.

Last Saturday morning, he was riding around town, just stretching his legs and warming up for a longer ride later that afternoon. He ignored all stop signs, failed to yield, rode the wrong way on one-way streets, and blew through every red light in town.

The local “Barney Fife”, having observed Derek’s behavior, decided, “Enough is enough! This is terrible! I’ve got to nip it in the bud.” He activated his flashing lights and turned on the siren.

Derek pulled over to the shoulder and the cop parked behind him. After reading Derek the Riot Act, the officer began to write out the ticket. As he wrote, copious amounts of tears flowed down his cheeks, almost blurring the ink and dissolving the paper ticket.

Curious, Derek asked, “What’s wrong, Officer? Why are you crying?”

The officer blubbered through his tears, “Those were moving violations!” 🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to the late, great Don Knotts)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323162

T. Gap Woo, August 26, 2020 at 9:00 am

Richard, a carpenter, loved bicycling. He pined fir one of those new-fangled electric bicycles, so one day last year he decided to build one himself.

Knowing that metal is a good conductor of electricity and fearing a shocking outcome, Richard decided to build his bike entirely out of lumber. He used 2×4’s for the frame, barrel staves for the wheels, oriented strand board for the saddle and scrap lumber for the brakes.

It didn’t teak too long to build, but Richard never rode his creation. The bike wooden start. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323201

Jay Jelinek, August 26, 2020 at 12:47 pm

How different people react when you pass them on a bike:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dehop4T13Uk

#1323216

LawnchairMan, August 26, 2020 at 9:19 pm

Hey T. Gap,

You said, “It didn’t teak too long to build, but Richard never rode his creation. The bike wooden start”

I’ll bet if he gets with Bud, the mechanic, they could root out the problem.
Then Richard’s style of bike could become very poplar.
He could branch out as long as he doesn’t stick it to his customers.

I’m wondering, though, if his bike fell, wood he yell, “Timber!”?
Or am I barking up the wrong tree?
Wait, that must be the dogwood.
Willow you tell me if he used rubber trees for his tires?
I’m getting sycamore of these puns, and I’m feeling like a sap, so it’s time for me to leave.
I hope to plant myself somewhere in Iowa next Summer!

Stay safe everybody!

#1323230

T. Gap Woo, August 26, 2020 at 10:53 pm

LCM,

You really outdid yourself this time! Your sense of humor has really blossomed over the last few months and is in full bloom.

I like the timbre of your jokes. The pun about the willow left me weeping, as did the entire copse of tree puns.

I’ll pack my trunk now and leaf for the night.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323233

T. Gap Woo, August 27, 2020 at 7:30 am

Take a lesson and learn from my experience!

I went on a solo century ride on the hottest, most humid day of the summer. I was in the middle of nowhere, when both tires blew out. There wasn’t a soul around. The nearest sign of civilization was at least 15 miles away. There was no vehicular traffic to offer aid and cell phone service was nonexistent. I was stuck, or so I thought.

I realized that I could change both inner tubes myself and then be on my way. When I checked my pannier, I discovered that my spare tubes were missing. I never replaced them after my last repairs.

I should have checked my emergency supplies before leaving home. Now I had to schlep my bike back to civilization. That was a real drag! 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323239

LawnchairMan, August 28, 2020 at 3:43 am

I heard that Alderman Elmer and his wife, Hazel, are going to check out the wooden bikes.
So I want to Spruce them up until they are Cherry.
I want the down tube to be Plum.
I thought Cotton-wood be better for the seat.
And I Ce-dar best choice for the handlebars is Palm.
Put a Pear of wheels on them and they should be finished.

As they were leaving, I told the couple, “Just make sure you follow the rules of the road or the copse Maple Yew over.”

Oakay then, I think it’s time for me to bow out!
Be safe everyone!

This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by LawnchairMan.

#1323261

T. Gap Woo, August 28, 2020 at 7:26 am

LCM,

In my o-pinyon, yew’ve really nailed the tree puns, woodencha know! But I really pine for the bike jokes, which spread out as forest you can see. So, here I go again!

Q: What do bicycles and humans have in common?

A: They’re both bipedal. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323263

LawnchairMan, August 28, 2020 at 2:39 pm

T. Gap,
Before I leave these tree puns for rest, I heard through the grapevine that Richard has got his wooden bikes to work. The main problem was the log-jam. The downside is that they are slow: they just lumber along.

Looking forward to the Iowa clearings in 2021!

This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by LawnchairMan.

#1323287

T. Gap Woo, August 28, 2020 at 3:17 pm

LCM,

I was thinking about planting the seed of another tree joke to see what sprouted, but decided against it. Seems that the joke would have led to the same NSFW punchline as in the “plowing” entry earlier. Besides, I don’t want to soil this thread with dirty humor, so I’ll wash my hands of this.

Having said that, I’ll now make like a tree and leave. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323306

T. Gap Woo, August 29, 2020 at 10:38 am

Several years ago, I won a unicycle in that game show starring Pat and Vanna. I named it my “wheel of fortune”.

If you press your luck, I won’t be writing anymore game show-related bicycle puns, but I’m sure that, with my powers of concentration, I could be hired to write more, in 25 words or less, but only if the price is right.

To tell the truth, I’ve got a secret to writing these jokes, but I can’t tell you unless you give me the password. Maybe you can guess what’s my line if you consult the wizard of odds.

So, let’s make a deal: I won’t put my joke-writing career in jeopardy if you don’t smash the gong, showing me the exit. I’ve used more jokes than three on a match and now I’m burned out.

Can you match games with me? That’s the $64,000 question! I double dare you.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323325

“Bicycle Bill”, August 30, 2020 at 12:04 am

I don’t mean to be a tattle-tale, but I know now that when it comes to game shows you must have been a real high roller. Had you decided to play the magnificent marble machine in the video village, or gone on the great treasure hunt instead of turning to cycling it wouldn’t have taken you long to break the bank, and not even Ben Stein’s money would have been safe.  It’s common knowledge that you’re a card shark, and with you the joker’s wild. But give me a split second and I’ll try to beat the clock before I decide whether or not to join you in the chase, since I also know that even if I press my luck I don’t think I’ll be able to catch 21 more shows.

So I’m going to put it to the readers and see what America says about us two masterminds having to face the music; otherwise what would start out as a chain reaction has the distinct possibility of turning into just another idiotest.  So win, lose, or draw, it’s time to face the truth or consequences.  So whadd’ya say?  Deal — or no deal?
-“BB”-

#1323340

T. Gap Woo, August 30, 2020 at 10:50 am

BB,

Funny you should ask, but you bet your life I’ll accept the challenge.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? I know that I am. After all, I graduated from Kay Kyser’s kollege of musical knowledge. And no, I’m not a member of the liars club.

Who wants to be a millionaire?Definitely me! I’m ready to climb that $25,000 pyramid, win some dough re mi and break the bank.

Before taking up bicycling, I was a couch potato and partook of a more sedentary form of exercise. I used to go bowling for dollars.

I like geometric questions about Tinseltown. I guess I’m just a Hollywood square. Besides, I’m good at winning tic-tac-dough.

Don’t challenge me on a musical category, though. Because I have a tin ear, I can’t name that tune.

I was thinking of forming a quiz bowl team, but was faced with that endless dilemma of “who do you trust?” Someone who couldn’t even answer 20 questions would be the weakest link. I’d be scrabbling around for good teammates.

I didn’t consider Mrs Woo for the team because she’d rather go shopping for the sale of the century and I’d end up so poor that I’d wind up in the supermarket sweeping the floors. Besides, I don’t want to start a family feud.

BB, you don’t say if others will play along in this game of games. If they do, whose line is it anyway?

The gauntlet has been thrown down to all of the American ninja warriors in Ragbrai-land. Can you top this?

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323345

T. Gap Woo, August 30, 2020 at 10:59 am

PS. If I had my way, I’d promote Princess Amanda to Queen for a day. 😃

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323346

RDaryl Daryl, August 30, 2020 at 2:02 pm

Although Princess Amanda can be Queen anytime in my book of Card Sharks, BB & TGW are the true Kings of this Game Show! Thanks so much for your contributions to this Tournament of Laughs!

#1323355

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