We all need a good laugh!

With all of the gloomy and depressing news, statistics, and general BS floating around the Twitterverse, it’s about time we do something to lift up our spirits.

I’d like to hear your favorite biking-related jokes.

Since this isn’t a barroom and I can’t throw out the first drunk, I’ll throw out the first joke (compliments of Granddaughter Woo):

Why do some bikes have kickstands? Because they are too tired to stand up by themselves (rim shot!).

Ouch! Let’s hear your best (or worst) jokes.

See you along the I-O-Way next whenever.

354 Replies

T. Gap Woo, September 17, 2020 at 10:15 am

I wanted to replace my old three-speed bicycle with a new 10-speed bike. Because of the tough economic times we are experiencing, I decided not to go to a big-box store and buy a bike right off the rack. Instead, I went to my local mom-and-pop bike shop.

The bike I wanted was preassembled and ready to go, but it was too expensive for my budget. Looking for lower-cost alternatives, I hit upon a brilliant idea.

I convinced the owner to sell me the model bike that I wanted, but unassembled and in the original box that it came in right off the delivery truck. He agreed and sold me a knocked-down bike as a build-it-yourself kit. I got it for half the price of a fully-assembled bike. What a deal!!

I brought my kit home and read the assembly instructions several times, to be sure I knew what to do.

I laid all the pieces on the garage floor, gathered all of the necessary tools and began to assemble my bike. Things were going smoothly and the bike was coming together nicely. I was proud of my abilities and feeling confident that my bike would turn out just fine.

Several hours after beginning, I installed the last part — a little dinging bell. There were no leftover parts, so I figured everything was finished properly. After checking the instructions one last time to be sure I didn’t miss anything, I was ready to take the bike for a test ride.

I made it down the driveway and turned onto the street. Almost immediately, the handlebar pulled out of the tube, the right pedal fell off, and the quick-release wheels lived up to their name and quickly released. Needless to say, I crashed in a heap.

I think I spoke too soon. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323759

T. Gap Woo, September 18, 2020 at 8:10 am

“🎶 Gloom! Despair! Agony on me. Deep dark depression! Excessive misery! If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all! Gloom! Despair! Agony on me! 🎵”

I was riding my unicycle last week, when I ran over some broken glass in the road. I popped a wheelie! 🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to Hee Haw).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323765

T. Gap Woo, September 19, 2020 at 10:37 am

I’m a firm believer in the Ride Right philosophy. Safety equipment is paramount!

On my doctor’s suggestion, I wear thick weightlifting gloves, instead of thin biking gloves,to protect my hands. They fasten with Velcro straps to stay tightly in place.

I also use slip-on knee and elbow pads that stay on without Velcro.

My brain bucket is another matter, though. Although I have to readjust the fit every time I get a haircut, I wear it whenever I go for a ride. When I first bought my helmet, I had trouble fastening it under my chin. The Velcro was missing. How do I fasten the helmet so it doesn’t fall off or slip down? I struggled mightily to figure it out. Then it clicked!

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323779

T. Gap Woo, September 20, 2020 at 9:06 am

Q- What’s the difference between a Trek Butterfly Madone bicycle, ridden by Lance Armstrong in the 2009 Tour de France and worth $500,000, and six garbage bags full of recyclable beer cans?

A- I don’t have a Trek Butterfly Madone in my garage!

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323795

T. Gap Woo, September 21, 2020 at 9:13 am

It really bothers me that some people are litterbugs. Littering is like walking up to God and spitting in His eye — you just don’t do it! Not only does litter spoil the scenery and pose an environmental hazard, but also it creates a safety risk.

Just last month, I was biking in the countryside, enjoying the bucolic landscape and solitude. Suddenly, a car full of drunken yahoos pulled up along side me and started dumping trash out of the window. I managed to dodge the beer cans and liquor bottles, but got hit smack in the helmet by a bottle of extra-strength Omega-3 capsules.

I crashed. Don’t worry, though. I’m okay. My injuries were only super fish oil. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323800

T. Gap Woo, September 22, 2020 at 8:48 am

Manny, Moe and Jack were three pals in my biking club. They were very competitive and always tried to outdo each other.

One day, they challenged each other to a 50-mile bike race. The winner would get bragging rights, while the losers would pick up the bar tab for the whole club at the race’s ending town.

The president of the club chose the route, in order to insure that the race was fair — enough hills to be challenging, but no “killer hills” to be punishing.

On the chosen day, the club met at the starting town. The racers lined up for the start. Manny rode his unicycle. Moe rode his knobby-wheeled mountain bike. Jack rode his 3-wheeled recumbent.

The president lowered the starter’s flag and the three riders took off like a vicious dog was chasing them. The rest of the club drove off in their cars to the ending town, in order to witness the conclusion of the race so there would be no dispute as to the winner.

Q- Who won the race?

A- Moe finished second, because he was too tired. Jack finished third, because he was more tired than Moe. Manny finished first, because he was the least tired of them all.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323820

T. Gap Woo, September 23, 2020 at 9:17 am

Fred’s wife, Wilma, was worried that she was gaining weight and getting heavier as she grew older. Her sisters were fat. Her mother was fat. Her grandmother was fat. Even her great-grandmothers were fat. She didn’t want to go down that same path.

Fred, being the concerned and loving husband that he was, knew that Wilma wouldn’t take up road or mountain bicycling, so he went out and bought her a stationary bicycle.

He assembled the bike and set it up in the basement rec room. He even installed a TV/DVD unit so Wilma could take a simulated ride in the countryside.

Fred thought that this would help Wilma lose weight and end the generational streak of weight gain.

Unfortunately, Fred was too late. The first time Wilma mounted the bike, she did, indeed, break the cycle. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323892

T. Gap Woo, September 24, 2020 at 8:13 am

Daddy Woo was a pharmacist who had a cure for just about everything under the sun in his pharmacy.

Road rash? He had ointments and salves for that.

Cuts and scrapes? He had bandages for that, too.

Sore muscles? He had heating pads and muscle rubs!

Feeling grumpy and out-of-sorts? He had NO products for that, but he did offer one piece of advice. “Get out in the fresh air. You’re only just one bike ride away from a good mood.” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323902

T. Gap Woo, September 25, 2020 at 7:56 am

Can you believe how dumb Dora is?

How dumb is she, you may ask. Well, I’ll tell ya.

Dumb Dora is so dumb that she thinks the TV show “Last Man Standing” is about the cyclist who finished last in the Tour de France because of his hemorrhoids! 🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to Gene Rayburn and Alec Baldwin)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323929

T. Gap Woo, September 26, 2020 at 8:20 am

On the last Ragbrai (remember the good ol’ days?), I was passed by a tandem powered only by the pilot.

When I read the back of his T-shirt, I pedaled harder to catch up to him and tell him to pull over. It was only the right and proper thing to do. After all, his shirt said, “If you can read this, my stoker has fallen off!”

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323942

T. Gap Woo, September 27, 2020 at 10:05 am

Human nature is such a fascinating topic. Social scientists and psychologists have been studying “why” people do what they do and act how they act for years.

One issue just boggles my mind. Didja ever wonder why people drive many miles in their gas-guzzlers to attend a spin class or to work out at the gym? 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323945

T. Gap Woo, September 28, 2020 at 8:02 am

There’s this guy back in my hometown. Bud was down on his luck. He lived in a rundown shack and only had a rickety old bicycle for transportation.

One day, Bud’s bike just fell apart and was beyond repair. He was lucky to get a few dollars for it from the metal recycler. Bud desperately needed a new bike, but didn’t have two nickels to rub together.

Bud hit upon a plan to get enough money to buy a new bicycle and maybe even have some money left over to upgrade his shack. He decided to rob The First National Bank downtown.

Unfortunately, Bud was caught in the act. You might say he was nipped! Bud stood trial, where he was convicted and ultimately sentenced to 10 years behind bars.

Boy, was he disappointed. Those weren’t the kind of bars he wanted. 🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to Barney Fife)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323949

RDaryl Daryl, September 28, 2020 at 10:46 am

Although I drove in a hurry to the health club, found the closest parking space and took the escalator to the second floor to use the treadmill & stair climber, I am somehow still a day late to post this comment. Maybe I should have taken my bike for a ride and stopped at a bar instead.

#1323950

T. Gap Woo, September 29, 2020 at 8:26 am

Q- What do you call someone who owns 1 bike?

A- A casual rider.

Q- What do you call someone who owns 2 bikes?

A- A commuter.

Q- What do you call someone who owns 3 or more bikes?

A- Nothing! You can’t call them because they’re always out riding and never answer their phones.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1323953

T. Gap Woo, September 30, 2020 at 8:58 am

Q- How many bicyclists does it take to install a headlight and taillight kit on a bike?

A- 10. One to install the kit and 9 to argue about the kit’s aerodynamics, weight, lumens and color. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1324041

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