We all need a good laugh!

With all of the gloomy and depressing news, statistics, and general BS floating around the Twitterverse, it’s about time we do something to lift up our spirits.

I’d like to hear your favorite biking-related jokes.

Since this isn’t a barroom and I can’t throw out the first drunk, I’ll throw out the first joke (compliments of Granddaughter Woo):

Why do some bikes have kickstands? Because they are too tired to stand up by themselves (rim shot!).

Ouch! Let’s hear your best (or worst) jokes.

See you along the I-O-Way next whenever.

347 Replies

LawnchairMan, April 14, 2020 at 11:15 pm

A park ranger was frustrated that many cyclists would enter his park without paying, and zip onto a trail. The ranger had tried to chase them on his old clunker bike, but just couldn’t catch anyone. He got so mad that he vowed that next year he would catch them all. So, he bought a fast bike, and started to train. Good weather or bad he was on the bike or at the gym. He trained through the Fall, Winter, and into the Spring. At the start of the new season he was fit; he was ready! Soon enough he saw about twenty riders approaching the park. As they got close, their leader broke from the pack and sped into the park and onto the trail. The ranger mounted his bike was quickly in close pursuit. Over hills, flats, straightaways or bends, the cyclist couldn’t shake the ranger. After riding for miles, the cyclist finally had enough, and coasted to a stop. The ranger stopped next to him, and said, “I got you this time! Now you’re going to pay!” The cyclist replied, “What are you talking about officer?” “You entered the park without a pass” said the ranger. Pulling a card from his pocket the cyclist said, “You mean this?” After looking at the card a perplexed ranger said, “I don’t understand.” “If you had a valid pass, why did you run from me?” “Well”, said the cyclist, “I have a pass, but I’m not sure if my buddies do”.

Thanks to Jose for the recovery of my post.

#1317871

T. Gap Woo, April 14, 2020 at 11:18 pm

Billy desperately wanted a new bicycle for his birthday.

Every day for the three months before his birthday, he prayed for God to bring him a new bike. When the big day came, he was disappointed that his prayers went unanswered and that he’d have to ride his old bike all summer long.

Not one to be easily deterred, Billy decided to ask God for a new bicycle for Christmas. He prayed twice a day and three times on Sunday all summer and autumn.

On Christmas Eve, Billy eagerly awaited the dawn. Imagine his disappointment when he saw bunches of gifts under the tree, but no bicycle.

For the rest of his Christmas break from school, he pondered what to do next. On the first day back, he hit upon a brilliant idea, which he implemented that same day.

After school, he stole someone’s brand new bicycle and then went home to pray for forgiveness! 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1317872

SFC JKL 2, April 15, 2020 at 12:00 am

All I wanted for Christmas was a shiny red bicycle. 5 o’clock Christmas morning, I run downstairs and look under the tree and what do I find? Uncle Alfresco, dead on the floor, shot through the back of the head. Plus no bicycle. It was a disappointing Christmas on many levels. Vinnie Antonelli in My Blue Heaven. An awesome Steve Martin movie if you need something to watch on quarantine.

#1317873

Jose Medina, April 15, 2020 at 3:31 am

Welcome ! RIDE Safe !

#1317874

T. Gap Woo, April 15, 2020 at 10:03 am

Q ~ What’s the difference between a velodrome and a palindrome?

A ~ For one, you need a bicycle. For the other, you can use a
.
.
.
.
.
race car.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1317886

Sexton, April 15, 2020 at 6:23 pm

That was a good one!

#1317928

T. Gap Woo, April 15, 2020 at 7:12 pm

Frankie was an avid cyclist who passed away from Covid-19 last week. He was greeted at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

Frankie said, “ I heard that there were no bicycles allowed ‘down there’ and that’s why it’s named ‘Hell.’ Are bicycles allowed in Heaven?”

St. Peter replied, “Not only are bicycles allowed here, but you’ll have access to the best brands of bikes, fashionable riding clothes and your own personal masseuse for a post-ride massage. Best of all is our Olympic-class velodrome.”

Frankie couldn’t wait to see the velodrome and asked St. Peter for a tour. While the two were examining the facility, a blur whizzed past them on a gold-plated bike.

“Wow!” exclaimed Frankie. “Was that Lance Armstrong who just blew past us?”

“No,” replied St. Peter. “That was God. He just thinks he’s Lance Armstrong!”

🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1317930

LawnchairMan, April 15, 2020 at 8:10 pm

Since I could only afford half of my bicycle lessons, I can only ride a unicycle.

This reply was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by LawnchairMan.

#1317931

LawnchairMan, April 15, 2020 at 8:12 pm

Is a recumbent what you get when you assemble your new bike without reading the directions?

#1317932

T. Gap Woo, April 16, 2020 at 10:13 am

As the paramedics loaded me into the ambulance, one asked me, “What the heck happened to you?”

“My tires skidded on the sand, I lost control of my bike, fell over and did a face-plant!” I mumbled through gritted teeth.

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1317968

T. Gap Woo, April 16, 2020 at 8:37 pm

Fred walked to and from the dorm to his classes on the other side of campus every day since the beginning of the semester. One morning, he arrived at class on a brand new bicycle, to the surprise of his buddy, Al.

“Fred, you usually walk to class. Where did you get that fancy new bike?” inquired Al.

Fred replied, “I was walking back to the dorm yesterday when this gorgeous brunette rode up on her bike and stopped in front of me. She was built like a brick Kybo, with curves in all the right places. She dismounted and proceeded to remove every stitch of her clothes until she was as naked as a jay bird. She whispered in a sultry voice, ‘Take whatever you like!’ So I did.”

Al told me, ”You made the right choice, as the clothes probably wouldn’t fit.” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1317989

T. Gap Woo, April 17, 2020 at 10:43 am

Three bicyclists just finished their century ride. When they got into town, they dismounted. Two of them walked into a bar. The third one ducked! 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1318030

T. Gap Woo, April 17, 2020 at 4:53 pm

Mom wanted to shed a few pounds, so we kids chipped in and bought her a no-frills beginner’s bicycle. She started to ride immediately and is now up to 15 miles per day.

We have no idea where she is!

🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1318044

T. Gap Woo, April 18, 2020 at 3:04 pm

Tom, Nick and Larry were cycling buddies for over 20 years. They ride everywhere together. Unfortunately, they all passed away on the same day.

They were all greeted at the gates of Heaven by St. Peter, who told them to wait in line while he reviewed their life’s ledgers.

After reviewing Tom’s ledger, St. Peter called Tom forward. “Tom, you’ve lived an exemplary life. As your heavenly reward, you will spend eternity riding this top-of-the-line bicycle with all of the best features! You may now enter into Heaven and claim your just reward.” St. Peter advised. Tom entered and rode off down the road.

Nick was called up next. St. Peter said, “Nick, I’ve reviewed your ledger. I see that you have cheated on your wife 10 times. As your heavenly reward, you will spend eternity riding this old rust bucket of a bike. It has only a single speed, has a worn out coaster brake and busted saddle springs. You may now enter into Heaven and claim your just reward.” said St. Peter. Nick entered and struggled down the road.

Now it was Larry’s turn. St. Peter exclaimed, “Larry, I’ve reviewed your ledger and I’m shocked that you made it this far! You’ve cheated on your wife at least two dozen times and even cheated on your mistresses. As your heavenly reward, you will spend eternity riding this child’s tricycle. You’ll notice that all of the wheels are out of round, the pedals are broken and the saddle is missing. You may now enter into Heaven and claim your just reward.” admonished St. Peter. Larry entered and labored mightily down the road.

Larry soon caught up with Nick and they trudged further down the road. They eventually caught up with Tom, who was sitting on the roadside and crying inconsolably.

Nick asked, “What’s wrong, Tom? Why are you so upset? You’ve got the finest bike in Heaven to ride for all eternity and we got stuck with this junk!”

Tom bawled out, “I just passed by my wife and she was on roller skates!”

🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1318104

T. Gap Woo, April 18, 2020 at 5:37 pm

Q ~ Why didn’t Cinderella win the Tour de France?

A ~ Her coach was a pumpkin!

🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to Coach David Ertl)

See you along the I-O-Way whenever.

#1318119

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