We all need a good laugh!

With all of the gloomy and depressing news, statistics, and general BS floating around the Twitterverse, it’s about time we do something to lift up our spirits.

I’d like to hear your favorite biking-related jokes.

Since this isn’t a barroom and I can’t throw out the first drunk, I’ll throw out the first joke (compliments of Granddaughter Woo):

Why do some bikes have kickstands? Because they are too tired to stand up by themselves (rim shot!).

Ouch! Let’s hear your best (or worst) jokes.

See you along the I-O-Way next whenever.

325 Replies

T. Gap Woo, May 13, 2020 at 4:04 pm

I just can’t figure out my next-door neighbor! He’s an overweight slob who doesn’t keep his bicycle in good repair. The tires are flat. The wheels are out of round. The pedals are coming apart and the chain is rusty. You get the picture.

I asked him why he didn’t either fix his bike or get a new one. After all, with a decent bike, he could get the exercise he so desperately needs.

His response? “When I want exercise, I just take my bike out for a push!” 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319429

T. Gap Woo, May 14, 2020 at 9:00 am

Little Junior’s 7th birthday was fast approaching. Hints for his preferred gift were falling on deaf ears, so he decided to be blunt.

“Pop, will you get me a bicycle for my birthday?” Junior asked.

Pop replied, “If you can spell the word ‘bicycle’ correctly, I promise that I’ll get you one. You have three chances to spell it.”

Junior was ecstatic. He began to spell: “bysikle.”

“Nope!” said Pop. “Try again.”

Junior tried, “Buysykul.”

“Not yet! You have one more chance.” said Pop.

Junior was getting really agitated at this point. He had no idea how to spell ”bicycle.”

Out of frustration, he pleaded, “Pop, instead of a bicycle, can I have a pony?” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319440

T. Gap Woo, May 14, 2020 at 4:21 pm

You’ve heard of “The Babe,” “The Bambino,” and the “Sultan of Swat”? New York Yankees baseball fans know him for his prodigious home run production.

Did you also know he was an avid bicyclist? In the off-season, he’d ride in all types of weather, under all road conditions and regardless of any obstacles. Nothing got in his way.

Once, when he was riding a tandem with his wife, she accidentally fell off the back of the bike. Babe rode on, ruthlessly. 🤪 (rim shot, with apologies to The Statler Brothers)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319453

T. Gap Woo, May 15, 2020 at 9:08 am

Jerry was diagnosed with bipolar disorder last summer. His mood swings were unpredictably wild — flying high one minute and crashing low the next.

As part of a treatment plan, Jerry’s doctor recommended that he get more exercise to help alleviate his symptoms. After reading the Ragbrai forum thread about the pro-and-con of electric bicycles, he bought an e-bike.

Riding his e-bike wasn’t 100% effective in controlling his mood swings, though. Some times he was fine, but other times he just moped around. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319468

LawnchairMan, May 15, 2020 at 10:45 am

Just like my pre-ride warm-ups. . . that was a stretch!

This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by LawnchairMan.

#1319473

T. Gap Woo, May 15, 2020 at 2:55 pm

When I was a kid, I had a bad crash while riding my bike. I thought I heard a truck coming from behind me, so I turned around to look. I crashed into a parked car, flew over the handlebar and landed in a ditch.

After I got out of the hospital and my broken bones mended, I was determined not to let that incident stop me from riding. I bought and installed a mirror on the handlebar. I’ve never looked back. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319480

T. Gap Woo, May 15, 2020 at 5:13 pm

Just like my pre-ride warm-ups. . . that was a stretch!

That was a great joke, LCM! I’ll bet you told that joke to Archie Bunker’s pal, Stretch Cunningham. No, no that’s not right. You’re probably too young to remember “All in the Family” and your memory doesn’t stretch back that far.

Did you write that joke while lounging in the back of your stretch limousine?

Ok, enough with this string of puns. I think I stretched this to the breaking point.

Look out! Here come the guys in the white coats and they’re wielding butterfly nets! They’re gonna cart me away on a stretcher!

At least I’ll have some time to bounce ideas for new jokes off the rubber walls. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319483

LawnchairMan, May 15, 2020 at 6:23 pm

T. Gap,
When I said you were stretching it, I hope you don’t think I was snapping at you.

Your bouncing reminded me of that famous b-ball player Stretch. He had a great carrier ahead of him until he went bad. Now he’s doing a five to ten stretch in the state pen.

P.S. my kids got me an “older than dirt” t-shirt twenty-some years ago. I certainly remember not liking Archie Bunker.

#1319485

T. Gap Woo, May 15, 2020 at 7:27 pm

LCM,

No offense taken! It’s good to see that others have a warped sense of humor, too. Keep up the good work.

BTW, my little Woo children bought me a T-shirt when I went over the hill. (Don’t ask me how long ago it was, so I don’t have to lie!)

It read, “Senior Citizen. Gimme my damn discount!”

It works! I wore it to my LBS and got a 10% discount off my purchase, without even asking for one. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319489

LawnchairMan, May 15, 2020 at 11:15 pm

T. Gap said, “Ok, enough with this string of puns. I think I stretched this to the breaking point.”
T. Gap,
You are a great punster. I tip my helmet to you.
Like my brake cables, you’ve really taut me a lot!

This reply was modified 4 months, 2 weeks ago by LawnchairMan.

#1319491

T. Gap Woo, May 16, 2020 at 10:50 am

Do you remember that great movie about the extra-terrestrial who was left behind by his pals?

The actor who rescued him grew up and became rich from the residuals and the promotional tie-ins. He bought a Lamborghini, a Ferrari and a Corvette with some of his money. He was a hearty partier, too.

One night, after an evening of carousing too much, he was driving home in his Lamborghini when he was pulled over by the police. He realized at that moment that he should have stuck with his bicycle. 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319498

LawnchairMan, May 16, 2020 at 3:14 pm

Jimmy and a couple of his buddies went to Baja for a bike ride. Jimmy showed up at the starting line in a brand new jersey and shorts kit. His buddies, Mike and Paul, teased him about how bright it was, “Hey man, where do you plug it in?” The kit had crisscrossing stripes of neon green, orange and red. It really stood out. The ride went well, but afterwards was a different story.
In the small Mexican village, across from where the ride finished, there was a new bungee jumping tower. Jimmy’s friends dared him to try it, and after making several excuses he eventually he agreed. In front of the tower they met Raul, the owner. He told the boys he was glad to see them because they would be his first customers. The small village didn’t have much contact with the world and didn’t know what bungee jumping was. Raul said that if Jimmy jumped in his bright kit he could jump for free. He said it would drum up business. Raul also showed Jimmy’s buddies a viewing platform where they could get close photos from a third of the way up the tower.
At the top of the tower Raul explained that the bungee cord was a new type that would bounce several times. Jimmy would get a long ride. Jimmy could see that a large crowd of women and children had gathered at the bottom. He finally steeled himself and stepped off the tower. Mike and Paul saw Jimmy come down and bounce, but when he came back up they saw that his jersey was torn. Each time he came up he had another mark somewhere on his body. And each time he passed them, Jimmy said a word: “What’s . . . . . a . . . . . piñata?

#1319508

T. Gap Woo, May 16, 2020 at 7:10 pm

Little Timmy was biking around the yard when his Daddy drove down the driveway.

Getting out of his car, Daddy asked, “Where in the world did you get that brand new bicycle?”

Timmy replied, “I earned the money by walking. I saved my money so I could buy this bike.”

Astonished by Timmy’s entrepreneurial spirit, Daddy quizzed, “Did you walk our neighbor’s dog, Lassie?”

“Nope,” answered Timmy.

“Did you walk downtown to get Widow Brown’s groceries?” Daddy wondered.

“Wrong again!” responded Timmy.

Puzzled, Daddy inquired, “Then how in the world did you earn enough money to afford that bike?”

“It was easy,” Timmy retorted. “Whenever you were off on a business trip, the milkman came over every morning. He said, ‘Here’s 20 bucks, kid. Go take a hike!’” 🤪 (rim shot)

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319513

“Bicycle Bill”, May 17, 2020 at 4:10 am

T Gap Woo wrote:
“BTW, my little Woo children bought me a T-shirt when I went over the hill. (Don’t ask me how long ago it was, so I don’t have to lie!)

It read, ‘Senior Citizen.  Gimme my damn discount!’ ”

When I worked in retail, I always wanted to get a sign for my cash register that said, “No Senior Discounts.  Look how much more time you’ve had to earn the money!”
-“BB”-

#1319517

T. Gap Woo, May 17, 2020 at 8:22 am

When I worked in retail, I always wanted to get a sign for my cash register that said, “No Senior Discounts. Look how much more time you’ve had to earn the money!”
-“BB”-

My local bike shop was a mom-and-pop operation run by a couple who lived through the Great Depression of the 30’s and the Great Recession of ‘08-09. They have this sign at the cash register: “In God we trust. All others pay cash.”

I saw this sign the other day went I went in to buy a bike helmet that had a built-in illumination source for night riding. Unfortunately, I have to return it. The helmet made me feel light-headed. 🤪 (rim shot).

See you along the I-O-Way in 2021.

#1319521

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