Hey! Jason! Where are you??
Ackley — Attention: Jason Cervone of Aurora, Ill.
You have some explaining to do.
For starters, you need to explain why you think your job at McDonald’s headquarters is more important than taking a week off to hang out with your friends on RAGBRAI.
And then you should explain why you — or a photo that looks a lot like you — keeps showing up in unusual places along this year’s route. Your likeness has been spotted with your bike-riding friends (or accomplices?) Chris Johnson and Phil Spangler, both of Peoria., Ill., who have photographed you with a rock band in Eldora, a Cialis-inspired bath tub in Ackley, and even the back of an Iowa State Patrol car.
Johnson (@cyclonebiker) and Spangler (@spanglerphil) seem to be operating a “Flat Stanley”-style campaign to plaster your photo on Twitter (@jacervone) in an attempt to either shame or inspire you to sign up for next year’s ride. They were last seen photographing your likeness in an Ackley phone booth.
So be advised: Plan your vacation days more carefully next year. The world is watching.